transformational weight loss and weight stability = mind + body + soul connection

Like many other young females, I am somebody who at several points in my life experienced an eating disorder. I was "successful" at this disorder and at one point got down to nearly 100 pounds on my 5’5” frame. Everyone told me I was ‘too skinny’ and little did they know that was feeding my desire to be thin, and encouraging me to become even thinner.

In hindsight, believe my obsession with my weight and food management was largely attributed to my desire to control the situations I was in. Each time I fell back into my eating disorder, I was living in an unstable home/work/life environment – and by controlling my weight, in turn I felt I was controlling my circumstances which felt out of control.

To be honest, despite my unhealthy obsession with my weight and food, I loved the way I felt on a daily basis. I had a sense of confidence and my body felt really good.

There were however, always the low ‘relapse’ times where I would binge eat to the point of feeling like I couldn’t move. I believe this was because most of the time, my body felt like it was starving, so as soon as I would relax on my obsession, I would eat as much as I could to satisfy this hunger.

Through the starving and binging, there was a constant self-talk in my head. This self-talk was very harsh and hateful toward me. “You would look better if you just lost 5 more pounds.”  “You ate too much last night, you will look fat. Don’t eat another thing today.” And on and on. I was never loving to myself, always critical. I never considered the state of my health; it was about my physical appearance only. I look back at pictures now and can’t believe how skinny I look – but at the time, I still did not feel comfortable enough to run shirtless in a sports bra (my major goal at the time - which I felt I never reached).

The time came where I finally left my unhealthy, uncontrollable life situation, which I believe was the major cause of my eating disorder. This change happened within 24 hours and bam - I was in an entirely new state, with new people and a new job around me. My life circumstances were totally different to be honest, I was nervous about all the change, even though it was all for the better, I had a fear inside me that I wouldn’t have a reason (aka unsafe life situation) to control my weight. (side note, this sounds crazy to me now, but it is what I thought!) There was definitely a truth to this because I did gain weight back – about 20 pounds over the past two years.  Some of this was frankly done in binge eating – eating (and drinking) my emotions as I transitioned out of my bad situation. Feeling that the food was a comfort to me, then old habits kick in and I would starve myself again out of regret for eating so much. I have been in a battle with myself between letting go and falling back into the unhealthy obsession with my body and weight. However, I can truthfully say that I am improving.  Breaking those obsessive habits takes a true purpose and desire to – and also a true love of oneself.  Over the past two years, through a lot of ups and downs, I have become more consistent in my health practices. I have grown in love and compassion for myself which has resulted in me treating myself with kindness and respect, and a growing desire to take good care of myself... through mind, body and soul. 

I can also attribute this new found form of healthy ‘self-care’ and weight maintenance to the idea of transformational weight loss. This term is something I have heard many times, however, never fully understood what it meant. I thought the idea sounded nice, but how is it different than any other form of weight loss?  According to Life Coach Michelle Rober, she explains that, “transformational weight loss is the spontaneous experience of the body actually becoming lighter through the alignment of your thoughts, your beliefs and your actions. Transformational weight loss is the result of self-acceptance and the desire and commitment to live a more vibrant life (michellerober.com, Ditch Counting Calories & Discover the Secrets of Transformational Weight Loss).”  Please feel free to re-read that until it really sinks in, and check out her article as well!

The experience of living a vibrant life is the best feeling on earth. You develop a form of self-discipline (in the most positive of sense!) and self-care that is based on love for yourself. Your consumption decisions are no longer based on impulse or burning desire or craving, but more of a mindful approach to what the body, mind and soul need. Desires to binge and obsessive cravings subside – and a newfound respect for your SELF arises from within. It might seem easier said than done, or maybe this isn’t sinking in for you –but if this is a change you want to see yourself, start with the desire to change. For me, if I imagine myself as a 5-year-old child, my perspective automatically shifts to love for myself, and the desire to gently care for myself. Through practice, this will become more like second-nature – and you will feel more alive than you ever have before.

Through experience comes wisdom

There is much to be said about the personal growth that comes through experience. We often hear of people “learning the lesson the hard way” and there is much truth and personal proof to that. At times, we may look for that shortcut to our own improvement, only to realize that we often need personal and direct experiences – to learn the lesson the hard way, in order to cause a permanent and fundamental change of beliefs.  

These experiences come in many forms – both good and bad, and sometimes even involve reaching a rock bottom in order absolutely feel the need to change not only in your mind, but also within your heart. For example, the alcoholic that has to lose everything – happiness, relationships, money, health and home in order to finally go to the AA meeting and finally quit drinking. Or an individual has to reach 300 pounds and be faced with death before they realize a change in their eating habits must occur. Or at a less extreme level, the woman who keeps dating the narcissist men until she finally realizes she is worthy of being with a kind, loving and compassionate individual. Or the man who equates his worth to money, therefore chases it his entire life in order to feel successful – only to realize that it never made him genuinely happy. Though these difficult lessons in life, we grow in our own ability to be aware and mindful to our life experiences. With this awareness comes mindful, conscious decisions for our overall well-being; whereas before, many of our poor decisions were made based on unconscious forms of habit picked up along the way – which never really fulfilled us to begin with.

There are also positive experiences, the beautiful gifts of life which cause us to grow in love on many levels. For example, when two people become parents for the first time – and the experience of the love they have for their child is like nothing they have ever felt before and they are forever changed as a person because of it. Or the experience of feeling unconditionally loved for the first time in your life. Or to truly experience the freedom of forgiveness for another person – especially after having held on to anger or resentment for a long period of time. And to also experience having been forgiven by another person, especially when you feel that you have done something unforgivable. These encounters are rich, and transformative from the inside out. They can result in significant growth of an individual and make them a more loving, understanding and patient human being.

In any circumstance, whether perceived as positive or negative, there is an opportunity for our perspective and fundamental beliefs to shift in a way that can make us feel like an entirely different person - causing new habits and ways of being that, in time, become like second nature to us. Outside resources - books, lectures and teachers, provide us with knowledge and support at an intellectual level, but it is up to the individual to absorb that knowledge through experience and contemplation, and then to transform it into a true understanding – at a heart and soul level. To do this requires patience, humility and dedication to your own transformation. Through this, we become better people ourselves and in turn, are better for everybody around us. This is a life-long practice and the opportunities for growth and improvement are endless. When we have the ability to truly embody the moments we are in through the act of being present, there is always an underlying wisdom and teaching to all that is happening within and around us; and wisdom exists in all moments and circumstances – big and small, and our intuition is our guide.  

 

with love,

katie lain

our mentors are our mirrors

I am somebody who seeks mentorship anywhere I can. I know a mentor when I feel their impact in my heart and soul. They move me, motivate me and inspire me to be a better person. I aspire to fully live out my life as they do theirs. This comes in many forms – friends, colleagues, books, teachers, speakers, bloggers, movies and even strangers.

One misconception I have come to realize which I have with my mentors is that, in a way, I tend to put them on a pedestal. I see them in a light of perfection that feels beyond my grasp.  A belief exists within me which seems to teeter between unconscious and conscious, that says I will never be able to reach their status of 'perfection' or achievement because of my own self-imposed limiting beliefs about my capabilities and worth.

I and we must always remember that every situation and circumstance we encounter in life is a mirrored reflection of what is happening within us - both good and bad (reflecting on the mirror of the negative circumstances in life is for another post). That means that the people I look up to and yearn to be like, already exist within me, but have only not been realized yet.

The knowledge and wisdom of who, what, how and where I want to be is already within me. I can become all of those beautiful qualities which I so deeply admire of my mentors.  This can be achieved first with mindfulness of what I want to be – what satisfies my soul, the belief that I can and the consistent practice toward my purpose.

This is true for all of us.

 with love,

katie lain