Through experience comes wisdom

There is much to be said about the personal growth that comes through experience. We often hear of people “learning the lesson the hard way” and there is much truth and personal proof to that. At times, we may look for that shortcut to our own improvement, only to realize that we often need personal and direct experiences – to learn the lesson the hard way, in order to cause a permanent and fundamental change of beliefs.  

These experiences come in many forms – both good and bad, and sometimes even involve reaching a rock bottom in order absolutely feel the need to change not only in your mind, but also within your heart. For example, the alcoholic that has to lose everything – happiness, relationships, money, health and home in order to finally go to the AA meeting and finally quit drinking. Or an individual has to reach 300 pounds and be faced with death before they realize a change in their eating habits must occur. Or at a less extreme level, the woman who keeps dating the narcissist men until she finally realizes she is worthy of being with a kind, loving and compassionate individual. Or the man who equates his worth to money, therefore chases it his entire life in order to feel successful – only to realize that it never made him genuinely happy. Though these difficult lessons in life, we grow in our own ability to be aware and mindful to our life experiences. With this awareness comes mindful, conscious decisions for our overall well-being; whereas before, many of our poor decisions were made based on unconscious forms of habit picked up along the way – which never really fulfilled us to begin with.

There are also positive experiences, the beautiful gifts of life which cause us to grow in love on many levels. For example, when two people become parents for the first time – and the experience of the love they have for their child is like nothing they have ever felt before and they are forever changed as a person because of it. Or the experience of feeling unconditionally loved for the first time in your life. Or to truly experience the freedom of forgiveness for another person – especially after having held on to anger or resentment for a long period of time. And to also experience having been forgiven by another person, especially when you feel that you have done something unforgivable. These encounters are rich, and transformative from the inside out. They can result in significant growth of an individual and make them a more loving, understanding and patient human being.

In any circumstance, whether perceived as positive or negative, there is an opportunity for our perspective and fundamental beliefs to shift in a way that can make us feel like an entirely different person - causing new habits and ways of being that, in time, become like second nature to us. Outside resources - books, lectures and teachers, provide us with knowledge and support at an intellectual level, but it is up to the individual to absorb that knowledge through experience and contemplation, and then to transform it into a true understanding – at a heart and soul level. To do this requires patience, humility and dedication to your own transformation. Through this, we become better people ourselves and in turn, are better for everybody around us. This is a life-long practice and the opportunities for growth and improvement are endless. When we have the ability to truly embody the moments we are in through the act of being present, there is always an underlying wisdom and teaching to all that is happening within and around us; and wisdom exists in all moments and circumstances – big and small, and our intuition is our guide.  

 

with love,

katie lain

Frustration moves you

The energy behind frustration… behind anger is a powerful force. It can create a momentum that generates change. A change that you have potentially wanted for a long while – whether consciously or subconsciously, but have not had a force influential enough to make it happen.

Early on in my awakening I thought of these emotions as simply negative. I thought they were bad and we should not allow them to surface. What I have learned, however, is that these “negative emotions” are only bad if we impulsively react to them. This sort of reaction can produce negative and harmful effects where we think, say and do things we undoubtedly regret later on. If we can allow these emotions to simply be… soon enough, they will pass – and in the interim until they do, a lot of introspection and growth can happen.

We always hear -- and truthfully, deeply understand the power that is also behind more “positive emotions” – those of gratitude and love. This power can create change and move you too… to be better, happier and more loving. These emotions are some of the best I’ve ever felt.  However, to maintain these emotions 100% of the time is unfeasible. We are only human and ever-evolving, ever-learning, ever-changing spiritually.

It is important to realize that the emotions we feel – from love and gratitude to anger and frustration - are all essential to our spiritual growth. They provide insight and understanding to oneself and the world around us. All emotions change us and keep us developing on our spiritual path – so long as we are mindful of them.

my awakening

I experienced my spiritual awakening about two years ago. I’ve learned that no two spiritual awakenings are the same… but that they do share commonalties.  I was faced with a lot of hardships growing up – including sexual abuse, unsafe living environments and the absence of my father.

As I grew older, I was essentially unaware of the pain these instances caused as I had blocked most of it out of my memory.  I believe they served as motivators for me in life. I had always worked hard in school and work. I graduated with my Bachelor’s Degree just after I turned 21 – I was very ambitious and all I wanted was to be successful – which I measured by money, material things and a good-looking boyfriend. To me, these things equaled happiness.

After college, I spent my early 20s in California – which had always been a dream of mine. I was dating the man I had had a crush on since childhood and we were running a small successful fashion business together. Everything around me appeared to be perfect, the ‘success’ I had always imagined for myself. And I wanted it so deeply that I ignored the feeling inside myself that knew it wasn’t right.

My relationship with my boyfriend was very unhealthy…. Yet it looked good on the outside and at the time, that was good enough for me. But things only worsened over time. Our relationship was filled with emotional and physical abuse, alcoholism and destructive behaviors and habits. After 5 years of life in California, with my dream guy and my dream business, I found myself in the darkest place of my life – a rock bottom, and all I could do was wonder how the heck I had gotten there when everything appeared to be what I had wanted.

Depression, anxiety and anger were emotions I felt daily. The feeling of happiness was only a memory and I had turned into a person I didn’t even recognize. I wanted help and to be better so desperately… but I couldn’t see how to do that.

At the time I didn’t have a connection what-so-ever to God or a higher power. I thought of it on such a shallow level. On a physical level, conceptually, the existence of God didn’t make sense, so I wrote it off. I had never had the emotional, ‘heart’ experience of God before.

I remember crying in the mirror almost every day… begging for an answer to ‘what is wrong with me?’ ‘please help me!’ and ‘who am I?’

This was my rock bottom…. and this is where my healing and spiritual awakening began.

It began slowly. I started to read self-help books and began listening to guided meditations. Through this I learned how powerful our minds are. I no longer saw myself as a victim to my rough childhood or to my current life situation. I kept hearing and reading that we create our own reality with our thoughts and beliefs… and that we can change our thoughts and ultimately change as a person…. I realized deeply that I was not ‘stuck’ with who I had become. I could change and happiness is a choice – I wanted to be happy! I wanted it so much.  

I learned that there are 3 essential keys to self transformation and they are: having the desire to do so, the discipline to put forth effort and action every day toward your goals and lastly, patience to allow yourself to transform… because it takes time.
 

After a couple of months of diligent self-help reading, meditation and finding a spiritual path through Buddhism, I began to see things differently… and this happened automatically – without having to try to see things differently. I began to feel gratitude in my heart for simply being alive.  My anxiety was slowly fading away and a sense of calmness came over me.

For me, I had a significant experience in my awakening that occurred in just a moment of time which I believe was the result of months and months of seeking for truth and wanting to be better. After that moment, my life was transformed forever. It was about two years ago and I remember it so vividly and still feel it so deeply.

I had been studying the practice of Buddhism and was listening to a Buddhist mantra – Mantra of Avalokiteshvara – which I was just drawn to and listened to several times a day for months leading up to this. It just felt healing. As I was listening to it, I was in the bathroom doing my hair and all of the sudden I felt this wave of warm, light, tingling energy wash over my body from head to toe. I instantly broke down in tears of joy and realized that at this moment, I had forgiven so many people and things that I had subconsciously been holding onto my whole life. I think it was my first true experience with forgiveness. I cried tears of compassion and had a sense of understanding for all of the people that I felt had hurt me in my life. It was as if I was seeing things from their perspective and all I could feel was unconditional love for them. To this day, it was the most profound and enriching experience I have ever had.. and from that day forward, I was changed.  I had released ‘baggage’ that I had been carrying around since early childhood and no longer felt victimized by it. I understood… and all that I wanted to do was express love to those people that hurt me.

With this new sense of understanding, I felt so connected to my higher self. I had a love in my heart that I had never experienced before – and the love was for everybody. I was more at peace than I had ever been and felt safe and genuinely happy. This experience changed me so much and I was able to peacefully let go of all of the unhealthy people and situations in life which weren’t serving me.

It has been about two years and I continue to nurture my spirituality through meditation, reading, yoga and life experiences – good and bad, which offer valuable lessons. In the past two years I have transformed myself for the better so much. Every day provides opportunities for insight, love and wisdom. I have found a sense of peace and happiness that is stable and always with me. And although I do get the lows of depression or anxiety, it is far less often, far less intense and never long-lasting.

with love,
katie lain