Integrity and Humility

I have not posted in a little while. Life has been challenging lately… and while I am eager to write down my experience, I have not fully processed it yet and seem to be at a loss for words.

One lesson I can share which I have come away with through these hardships is that of integrity and humility. By that I mean the fine dance between maintaining your own truth – your own integrity,  while also remaining humble and open to new ideas, new ways of thinking and of being. This is the where growth lies on the spiritual path and why consistent mindfulness is so crucial to spiritual progression.

One of the practices I have found to be successful in my spiritual path is to always remain open and flexible to everything that presents itself to you... to go with the flow of life… “…be like water” as Bruce Lee is infamous for saying. Humility. The test however, lies in keeping a mindful eye on everything you are presented with in life – and to be connected with your truth and to stand by that truth, always. Integrity.

The tests for me lie in the moments where my humility is present, and I am remaining open, but in order to hold true to my integrity, I must speak up and speak my truth. This practice is new to me... and at these moments of applying the practice, I often find myself in contemplation of my integrity, which always leads me to further understanding of myself and my own truth. This is the constant practice of mindfulness... and with this I have come to an understanding that while humility and flexibility are crucial to evolving spiritually – so is speaking up and holding true to your own integrity… no matter how uncomfortable it may feel.

Cheers to that…. <3

With love,

Katie

 

 

the biggest gift

“find in what look like sorrows, the seedlings of your joy”

Just over a year ago I left a relationship of 5 years. This relationship started when I was 21 and I was madly in love with the man since I was a kid. It began beautifully with romance, laughter, happy experiences and true love… but as more and more time passed it turned into a verbally abusive, then physically abusive relationship that only became more severe over time. I had always believed that I would never allow myself to be in an abusive relationship -- and I would hear about these women who would stick around with men who hurt them and I considered them weak and foolish for doing so. But then there I was, smack dab in the middle of one – and I stayed for years.

With this environment came deep, deep unhappiness within me. I ached with pain nearly every day… had suicidal thoughts and true hatred of myself. I felt trapped in my situation and myself and didn’t feel worthy or strong enough to leave… but every day I begged God for a sign or strength or something that would make me able to leave the situation that I felt I was drowning in.

One day the abuse was so severe and loud enough that my neighbors called the cops. It was the worst incident yet… I felt completely humiliated having to speak to the cops in front of my neighbors and I even lied to them about the abuse (I still don’t know why I did this). But this was the sign I was begging for that gave me the strength to finally leave. I had had enough.

Now, a year later – I see this relationship as the biggest gift of my life. 

Throughout the years of abuse and the deep unhappiness I felt, it caused me to truly self-reflect and go within myself to try to repair anything I could. Although the solutions I came up with were never a fix long term, it caused me to grow as a person in all ways, little by little. It taught be about forgiveness and showed me God and spirituality. I began a meditation practice and started going to Buddhism meetings. 

I believe that I somehow needed this struggle to really have a purpose to search for happiness and truth. I learned what feels like an infinite amount of lessons in this relationship and really transformed as a person. How can I not have anything but gratitude for this experience?

To me, this was a divine lesson on struggle and as I reflect back, I know that every single challenging or trying time in my life has always made me grow as a person; grow spiritually and ultimately made me more whole and happier. I find myself now at a place in life where I embrace struggle. This is not to say it feels easy or is enjoyable – because it’s not. But if you can practice simply letting the struggle be… and have faith that it is for a deeper reason – for your growth and for a better you; you will witness the joy emerge for the circumstance.