in dialogue with my heart

at times,
my thoughts are angry, selfish and
bitter…
at times,
my thoughts are painful.
yet i still hold onto them,
as if they are a part of me…
or all of me.
my identit(y)ies.
my self. 

these thoughts are in dialogue with my heart.
with this dialogue i sense, i see,
i become aware...
of my lack of gratitude -
my lack of patience and peace -
for all that is...
and at times,
this awareness gracefully co-exists
with the persistent tantrums of my mind.
even when i know, in my soul,
that
i
am
so
blessed.
for blessings exist in every moment of life.
and moments are life.
and, the essence of a moment…
exists in how it
makes you feel.
and,
here we are,
emotions,
rising and falling
with every passing moment.
a continuous cycle…
always sensing for
that middle ground.
where,
no matter what -
all feels right
in that moment…
the moment(s) of eternal balance.

What did I do to deserve this?

“Shallow men believe in luck or in circumstance.
Strong men believe in cause and effect.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

Life is an ebb and a flow of good and bad and in-between. No matter how much you try to manipulate or have control over what life throws at you, at the end of the day – there is a greater force that ultimately calls the shots.

An acquaintance of mine was recently speaking of all of the good things in his life – new job, new city, new girlfriend… overall, a seemingly new and exciting life. As he was telling me about this, he playfully said, “… I mean, do I even deserve this?”

This seems to be a question we ask ourselves in both good and bad times. In my opinion, the answer is always yes. But, ‘deserve’ has too much implication behind its usage. Rather, as Buddhism teaches, think of all life occurrences simply as the ‘effect’ or ‘result’ to a previous ‘cause’ or ‘source.’

By applying this method of reasoning to life, it allows for an awareness to be placed on each and every moment. If what we are doing now is the cause for what our future holds – we may very well have a new perspective on what we do, how, when, why and where we do it. We act with awareness. With this practice, I find that we are able to be more at peace with the significant events in life. Knowing that yes, we did contribute to it… we do ‘deserve’ the good and bad. But let’s reflect upon it in the moment - and make changes within ourselves as opportunities arise.  After all, hindsight’s always 20/20.

with love,
katie lain