don't be fooled by guilt

don’t be fooled by guilt
it sneaks upon you -  
planting its roots before you even notice its presence
then comes the self-talk
about what we shoulda, coulda, woulda done
hating on ourselves  -
before we even gave ourselves a chance.
know this…
guilt removes the possibility of happiness,
the possibility of love.
it takes you out of the present moment
turns you against yourself
and others --
and conceals the natural,
unconditional
and unending love we are capable of feeling
for ourselves
others
and all of life.
don’t let guilt rob you of love.
and the love for life.
no matter the circumstance -
always forgive
yourself and others.
let it go.
let it be.
and no matter what --
love unconditionally.

transformational weight loss and weight stability = mind + body + soul connection

Like many other young females, I am somebody who at several points in my life experienced an eating disorder. I was "successful" at this disorder and at one point got down to nearly 100 pounds on my 5’5” frame. Everyone told me I was ‘too skinny’ and little did they know that was feeding my desire to be thin, and encouraging me to become even thinner.

In hindsight, believe my obsession with my weight and food management was largely attributed to my desire to control the situations I was in. Each time I fell back into my eating disorder, I was living in an unstable home/work/life environment – and by controlling my weight, in turn I felt I was controlling my circumstances which felt out of control.

To be honest, despite my unhealthy obsession with my weight and food, I loved the way I felt on a daily basis. I had a sense of confidence and my body felt really good.

There were however, always the low ‘relapse’ times where I would binge eat to the point of feeling like I couldn’t move. I believe this was because most of the time, my body felt like it was starving, so as soon as I would relax on my obsession, I would eat as much as I could to satisfy this hunger.

Through the starving and binging, there was a constant self-talk in my head. This self-talk was very harsh and hateful toward me. “You would look better if you just lost 5 more pounds.”  “You ate too much last night, you will look fat. Don’t eat another thing today.” And on and on. I was never loving to myself, always critical. I never considered the state of my health; it was about my physical appearance only. I look back at pictures now and can’t believe how skinny I look – but at the time, I still did not feel comfortable enough to run shirtless in a sports bra (my major goal at the time - which I felt I never reached).

The time came where I finally left my unhealthy, uncontrollable life situation, which I believe was the major cause of my eating disorder. This change happened within 24 hours and bam - I was in an entirely new state, with new people and a new job around me. My life circumstances were totally different to be honest, I was nervous about all the change, even though it was all for the better, I had a fear inside me that I wouldn’t have a reason (aka unsafe life situation) to control my weight. (side note, this sounds crazy to me now, but it is what I thought!) There was definitely a truth to this because I did gain weight back – about 20 pounds over the past two years.  Some of this was frankly done in binge eating – eating (and drinking) my emotions as I transitioned out of my bad situation. Feeling that the food was a comfort to me, then old habits kick in and I would starve myself again out of regret for eating so much. I have been in a battle with myself between letting go and falling back into the unhealthy obsession with my body and weight. However, I can truthfully say that I am improving.  Breaking those obsessive habits takes a true purpose and desire to – and also a true love of oneself.  Over the past two years, through a lot of ups and downs, I have become more consistent in my health practices. I have grown in love and compassion for myself which has resulted in me treating myself with kindness and respect, and a growing desire to take good care of myself... through mind, body and soul. 

I can also attribute this new found form of healthy ‘self-care’ and weight maintenance to the idea of transformational weight loss. This term is something I have heard many times, however, never fully understood what it meant. I thought the idea sounded nice, but how is it different than any other form of weight loss?  According to Life Coach Michelle Rober, she explains that, “transformational weight loss is the spontaneous experience of the body actually becoming lighter through the alignment of your thoughts, your beliefs and your actions. Transformational weight loss is the result of self-acceptance and the desire and commitment to live a more vibrant life (michellerober.com, Ditch Counting Calories & Discover the Secrets of Transformational Weight Loss).”  Please feel free to re-read that until it really sinks in, and check out her article as well!

The experience of living a vibrant life is the best feeling on earth. You develop a form of self-discipline (in the most positive of sense!) and self-care that is based on love for yourself. Your consumption decisions are no longer based on impulse or burning desire or craving, but more of a mindful approach to what the body, mind and soul need. Desires to binge and obsessive cravings subside – and a newfound respect for your SELF arises from within. It might seem easier said than done, or maybe this isn’t sinking in for you –but if this is a change you want to see yourself, start with the desire to change. For me, if I imagine myself as a 5-year-old child, my perspective automatically shifts to love for myself, and the desire to gently care for myself. Through practice, this will become more like second-nature – and you will feel more alive than you ever have before.

Frustration moves you

The energy behind frustration… behind anger is a powerful force. It can create a momentum that generates change. A change that you have potentially wanted for a long while – whether consciously or subconsciously, but have not had a force influential enough to make it happen.

Early on in my awakening I thought of these emotions as simply negative. I thought they were bad and we should not allow them to surface. What I have learned, however, is that these “negative emotions” are only bad if we impulsively react to them. This sort of reaction can produce negative and harmful effects where we think, say and do things we undoubtedly regret later on. If we can allow these emotions to simply be… soon enough, they will pass – and in the interim until they do, a lot of introspection and growth can happen.

We always hear -- and truthfully, deeply understand the power that is also behind more “positive emotions” – those of gratitude and love. This power can create change and move you too… to be better, happier and more loving. These emotions are some of the best I’ve ever felt.  However, to maintain these emotions 100% of the time is unfeasible. We are only human and ever-evolving, ever-learning, ever-changing spiritually.

It is important to realize that the emotions we feel – from love and gratitude to anger and frustration - are all essential to our spiritual growth. They provide insight and understanding to oneself and the world around us. All emotions change us and keep us developing on our spiritual path – so long as we are mindful of them.

Self Care

Defined:
In terms of health maintenance, self care is any activity of an individual, family or community, with the intention of improving or restoring health, or treating or preventing disease.

I developed habits of self care sort of by accident as I was healing from the end of a long term relationship. I began to meditate regularly, spend time exercising outdoors in nature (rather than just the gym), reading positive books, practicing yoga and getting more rest than I ever allowed myself before. I felt like overall, I learned to slow down and take time for me and it was transformational in my life. Through these regular practices, not only did I start an ever-growing healing process, but I developed the ability to listen to my body and my intuition to always know what I needed for peace and happiness.   

I have had these practices in place for a little over a year and was feeling like I was on a roll with my self care rituals and inner development. With my integrated practice of exercise, time spent in nature, mediation, rest, time spent with good friends, eating healthy and delicious food, reading uplifting books and listening to uplifting speakers - I felt a sense of sustained balance in my life that brought peace to every situation no matter what I encountered. I was truthfully able to go with the flow.

Then I began to feel off. This feeling was a progression over time -- I did not even have an awareness of it until my state of mind became unsettled and I began to feel trapped in my life and my body. This feeling was progressive over about one month’s time and I found myself blaming my outward situation (stress at work, friends/family being too demanding on me, bad weather…) for how I was feeling inside.

I was talking with a friend and he kept asking me what was wrong – which is something he has never had to ask me before. I had maintained my healthy self care practices for so long that I rarely felt unbalanced or unsettled and if I did, it was for far less time and not nearly as severe. I was little offended and surprised by his questions and kept responding with, “nothing! I’m great! Everything is fine!”  But being the genuinely caring person he is, he dug deeper and asked me if I was resting enough, how my yoga practice was and how I felt inside. This is what caused me to realize I was not being true to my self care practices – and thus everything inside of me and around me was suffering.

What happened was that I was not present with my practices and was beginning to take them for granted. I had developed the mindset that I had them mastered and treated them as second nature. After all, I was still putting my rituals into practice – but far less often, and with less heart. I had greatly reduced my personal development and well-being by over-committing myself to friends, work, socializing and events - and slowly but surely, I began to suffer and this effected everything.

Self care is so so important for being an effective person in life. It should always come before anything else because it is the source of your well-being and happiness. It emanates out and effects to every other aspect of your life by bringing balance and security to all experiences. However, it takes regular attention and is not something you can just add to your list of to-dos. It must be done with pure intention, awareness and an open heart.

Now, I’m going for a walk… here’s to your self care – whatever that may be.

with love,

Katie Lain