some days

some days are hard
so hard
and no matter how much we try to distract and numb ourselves from the pain and discomfort
we just can't
we know it's there
underneath,
it happens.
to all of us.
and time and time again, this humble realization takes me back to compassion…
compassion for all of it.
the pain or joy you feel
is no different than what your neighbor, stranger or best friend feels.
owie. living hurts, sometimes.
and
living is absolutely ecstatic, sometimes.
you are far from alone.
you, we, are one.
so when you laugh,
laugh as deeply as you can.
and when you cry,
cry as deeply as you can.
for this is the experience of life…
and this experience too, shall pass.

tenderness.

To have a tender heart is a courageous and divine commitment.  For within this tenderness a ceaseless vulnerability exists.  Capable of endless, unconditional love; and open-wide for the world’s indulgence… and also for its wrath.  A sensitivity deeper than the depth of the universe – exposing itself, boldly -- so to experience the intensity of existence – of love, of fear, and all that lies between.  The heart steadfastly wavers through these emotions and experiences – gently and hastily expanding and contracting in this delicate dance to the music of truth.  And through this dance, truth reveals that fear is really only the absence of love… and that love is the greatest truth, with the power to protect and gracefully strengthen even the most delicate of hearts. 

don't be fooled by guilt

don’t be fooled by guilt
it sneaks upon you -  
planting its roots before you even notice its presence
then comes the self-talk
about what we shoulda, coulda, woulda done
hating on ourselves  -
before we even gave ourselves a chance.
know this…
guilt removes the possibility of happiness,
the possibility of love.
it takes you out of the present moment
turns you against yourself
and others --
and conceals the natural,
unconditional
and unending love we are capable of feeling
for ourselves
others
and all of life.
don’t let guilt rob you of love.
and the love for life.
no matter the circumstance -
always forgive
yourself and others.
let it go.
let it be.
and no matter what --
love unconditionally.

Riding the Waves of Life

At my Buddhism meeting last night, our teacher spoke about acceptance of what is in life – in order to stay present and to enjoy this moment, since it is all we have. When presence is put into practice, you develop the ability, the gift, to experience all situations – good and bad, without reaction but with embrace. Life becomes more of a magical observation that you are a part of - rather than an experience separate from yourself.  To exist in a state of being, to “go with the flow,” provides an inner peace and true joy within oneself – no matter what happens to or around you. You start to embrace and truly see the beauty in everything.... and this feeling is liberating.

A little prelude...
For the first 20-something years of my life, I was entirely at the whim of my circumstances - good or bad and everything in between. Because of this, I suffered from turbulent emotional ups and downs. I mostly internalized the downs for fear of judgment from others - which lead to deeply rooted self hate, self sabotage through eating disorders and lack of self care. I was regularly anxious and stressed.  I never felt good enough or worthy enough - no matter what I was doing. My life felt out of control and my internal state of being depended completely on what was happening around me.

Throughout this time in my life, I would encounter people who could go with the flow and be calm, cool and genuinely happy in nearly any circumstance. They seemed to have it figured out and I would never forget them and always admire them. Feeling burnt out with my current state of life - and at times very depressed and even suicidal, I wanted to exist in a better way so badly that it drove me to search for ways to improve my emotional state. What I found was transformational and profound... and I learned that there is essentially an endless amount of people, information, spiritual practices - you name it, that taught me and can teach you to exist differently - and it has been a growing, expansive gift ever since. When the student is ready, the teacher appears. -- Tao saying.

What I've learned...
When your state of being is at the whim of your surroundings, circumstances, people, events… this means that your state of happiness or sadness (and everywhere in between) relies fully on your outer experience – which is entirely out of your control and always susceptible to change. It becomes an emotional roller coaster. However, when you can generate the ability to accept all situations and circumstances as they are, without placing blame or judgment on them – you achieve a state of peacefulness. The more you practice this, the longer you can remain in that state...  trusting that everything will be okay regardless of what circumstances come into your life.

This way of living, of being, is something that can be extremely difficult to put into action or even grasp, because humans are creatures of habit... we spend our lives acting on patterns of habit and patterns of thought that become more and more ingrained the longer we practice them. We are, however, fully capable of changing and creating new habit patterns and thought patterns that can positively transform your life forever in ways you never saw as possible. At first it feels forced, uncomfortable, unnatural and wrong; but, the more you act on a new habit, the easier it gets and soon enough, it feels as natural. With this transformation, an unconditional state of joy arises. 

The first step to take is to simply have the desire to change....the desire to be a better version of yourself. Once you have this, keep asking questions and keep searching for ways to improve. Most importantly, it takes practice, patience and diligent effort. It does not happen over night. But once the effort is put in place, then every single day of your life becomes a beautiful, rich growing experience - and you begin to notice small changes within yourself which magnify ten times over in all areas of your life.

Some things that got me started...
As I mentioned above, there are countless resources available for internal growth and life transformation. Listed below are just a few of the resources that have been impactful in my life... and it is important to understand how much USEFUL content is on YouTube. This has been a SENSATIONAL resource for me and still is today.

1. The work of Eckhart Tolle and Deepak Chopra (and many Spiritual teachers) who can put into words things that are so hard to understand.
2. Tony Robbins - Life Coach, Self-Help Author and Motivational Speaker
I started by simply listening to Tony Robbins talks/presentations on YouTube.
3. Books on Neuroscience... there are so many.
Reading about the brain taught me that my brain is not stuck where it is. I learned how to retrain ingrained thought/reaction patterns which are entirely linked to our emotional and physical way of living.
4. Guided Meditations. Regular practice of good guided meditations that resonate with you can change the way you think and feel. I personally really like Kelly Howell

5. Movies! Have you seen What the Bleep do we Know, The Secret, I Am, or You Can Heal Your Life?
6. Having a spiritual practice... whatever that means to you. Connecting with nature, a religion, giving back, expressing unconditional love, prayer, silent meditation, expressing gratitude... whatever it is that allows you to connect with your soul.

Thank you, all for now.

With love.

Katie Lain